you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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