oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
time to smoke my breakfast
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
