Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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