She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The air was thick with penises
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
