Got a toothbrush?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
