Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
