Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
