you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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