I wanna bring you to show and tell
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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