Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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