i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
