the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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