yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
