its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
