My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
