Porn is love you can see.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
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You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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