I just cut my nipple shaving
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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