that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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