so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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