My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
