He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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