btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As shirtless as possible
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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