I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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