Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I smell stomach acid.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
