I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
