Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
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