Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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