One girl and one boy is just not enough.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
