Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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