We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
