and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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