I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
