I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
