This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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