pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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