His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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