it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
