what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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