ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
