someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
