Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Even the bartender felt bad for me
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
