I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
