I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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