dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
