and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
