Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
