Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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