if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
