I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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