and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
