a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
