Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
