Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
