explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
bring money and cleavage
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize