thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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