How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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