I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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