hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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