so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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