Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
