I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm getting married
To pizza
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
