you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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