FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You took a bar mat shot.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
