I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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